Just Talk to Me Already!

So the other day my 17 year old son texted me asking for $20. As expected, I replied, “K.”  A few hours later, he came home and kind of stood around me shuffling his feet. Then he went and took the trash and recycling out followed by feeding the dogs and giving them water. In other words, he actually did all his chores without being asked. He then came over and stood around looking at me some more. I knew he wanted the money and I was willing to give it to him but I wasn’t going to give it to him until he actually asked for it since that seems to be the only time he ever talks to me. He finally asked and I gave him the money. At which point he left the house and I didn’t see him again for a couple days.

As soon as he left, I had an epiphany. I realized how much the interaction I just had with my son parallels my interactions with my Heavenly Father. You see, I am just like a teenager. When I want something, I start trying to be good and doing my chores and I expect to get blessed. I want things from Him and He is more than willing to give them to me. But He waits and makes me ask for them. I used to wonder why we should have to ask if He knows what we want, what He is going to do, and wants to give us what is best for us. Maybe it is just because it is the only way He can get us to talk to Him. Even if all we do is ask for stuff, at least we are communicating with Him.

I know this is a strange way of looking at prayer. But I am beginning to understand that Jesus did not die on the cross just to get me out of hell. He didn’t suffer in my place so He could impose rules on me and take away my fun. He did what He did to have a relationship with me. He was literally dying to talk to me… and to you.

What is hard to believe is that He values me that highly. I struggle to understand why He wants me to spend time with Him. I don’t even want to spend time with myself most of the time. I can feel it now. I know how desperately I want my teenage children to spend a few minutes with me. That desire is just an infintesimal portion of the intense longing God has to spend time with me… and with you.

I Deserve It???

I have a confession to make: I think I am better than a lot of people. There it is. It sounds so ugly when it is out in the open like that. I would never actually say it and when I think about it, I know it is not true. As a matter of fact, I can’t stand people who think they are better than other people (do I think I am better than people who think they are better than other people???). Ironically, if you told me I thought I was better than someone else, I would argue with you to no end denying it. The problem is that I am guilty of having this nasty, ugly attitude deep in my heart.

Now, it does not manifest in me the same way it does in some people. In me, it manifests through my constant whining, complaining, and feeling sorry for myself. Things are hard right now in my life a from time to time I find myself sinking down into the pit of self pity. “why does life have to be so hard?” Why me, Lord?” When will things change?” etc…

A few days ago, the Lord really convicted me about this. I was reading Matthew 20:1-16. In that passage Jesus tells a story about a guy who goes out and hires some men to do some work for him. They agree on a price and the men go to work. Throughout the day, the owner hires more men. He even hired some who only worked 1 hour. At the end of the day, the owner payed everyone the same amount whether they worked 1 hour or 8. Those who worked the longest were upset because they thought they deserved more (most of us would agree). The owner says, “Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my money or are you jealous because I am generous?” As I read that I realized that, when I start whining, I am just like the guys who worked the whole day. I am telling God that I deserve better. I worked harder, I sacrificed more, I should get more… What kind of attitude is that?

Here is the rub; when I complain, I am really saying I deserve good things in my life more than those who have them. In effect, I am saying I am better than they are. I can complain about having too much work when I have at least 4 good friends who have lost their jobs in the last month. I am upset about problems with my son but a good friends of mine lost his son a year ago. I have an incredible wife but have a friend who lost his wife and 4 more friends whose husbands have left them to raise children alone in the past year. All of these people would love to have my problems. Funny how I never stop to wonder if they deserve my blessings more than I do… No, I always look at what other have and I don’t instead of being thankful for what I DO have. Lord, help me!

Here is the truth. I don’t want what I deserve. I know the terrible things I have done that I keep buried deep in my past. I know the people I have hurt. I know the ugliness that still dwells in my heart. what I deserve is absolutely nothing. Actually, what I deserve is to pay for the terrible tings I have done. I never seem to want that part of what I deserve…Thank God, Jesus took the punishment I deserved!

He didn’t just take the punishment I deserved, He blessed me with things I don’t deserve. Every blessing I have is just that, a blessing from GOD. Not payment for being good sometimes. The gifts He has given me are completely unearned. I pray I will get my attitude turned around to be thankful for what I have instead of always comparing myself to others and demanding more.

What Am I Worth?

I have a funny little thingamajiggy (technical term) on my myspace page. It is a little sign that says I am worth $2.44 million dollars. I took a quiz about my education level, health, and habits and it put a price tag on me. I am still looking for a buyer if you are interested…

I was reminded of this quiz as I was reading Matthew 13:44-46 again. I love these verses because they tell me that I (and you) are worth much more than $2.44 million. For many years I didn’t understand what the verses were saying because I thought they both said the same thing. Then one day I actually READ them and realized they did NOT say the same thing.

Most of us are famiiar with verse 44, “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy he went and sold all he had and bought that field.” This is easy enough to understand, right? Heaven is so valuable that we should give everything to be there. We should “sell out” for God! We have heard this preached all our lives.

What is interesting are the next two verses, “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” Did you catch the subtle shift? The subject changed. In the first one, we find God and give everything to gain HIM. In the second, God finds us and gives everything to be with us. This blows my mind. I (and you) am the “pearl of great price.”

Now, I understand that nothing good dwells in me and that I have nothing to offer HIM. But HE is so crazy about me (and you) that HE sold everything and gave HIS own life to be with us. I will never understand why since I know I am unworthy but I have learned over the years that the best thing to do when someone loves you is to accept it greatfully instead of asking why. I learned this after many years of driving my wife crazy trying to figure out why she loved me. I finally quit asking and said, ‘thank you.’ I know I married “up.” I know I don’t deserve her. But I have learned to be thankful she loves me. The same with God. I know I don’t deserve HIS love, but I am sure glad HE thinks I am worth more than $2.44 million. He thinks I am worth giving HIS own life.