Thank YOU, Lord

I just need to take a few minutes and thank YOU, Lord for giving me better health than I have enjoyed in years. A year or so ago I was in so much pain I could barley walk. I need a knee replacement and the pain was becoming unbearable. I thought I would never walk normally again. This morning as I was walking the dogs I realized that I am walking almost painlessly. The knee is stiff from time to time but I can walk with little pain most of the time now. Losing 60lbs has helped. I just want to thank YOU, Lord for being with me and giving me strength and health!

Cursed Work!?

Have you ever gone through on of those periods in your life where it seems like all you do is work? I have been going through that for a while now. I am averaging 70+ hours a week between my two (and three and four) jobs.The thing that concerns me is that it is about to get worse.  I am transitioning out of professional ministry and will need to hustle ever harder just to pay the bills. I guess this paragraph serves as my lame excuse for not blogging as much as I used to…

Needless to say, I am exhausted right now. When I get worn out like this, I usually start thinking really evil thoughts about at Adam and Eve. After all, if they hadn’t sinned, there would be no curse and I wouldn’t have to work. Before sin, Adam and Eve just hung out in the garden and did nothing, right? That is what I used to think but I am beginning to realize how wrong I am about this.

Recently I read Genesis again and saw some interesting things. I saw that Adam had work to do even before the curse. In 2:15 the Bible tells us that God “took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to tend and guard and keep it.” Apparently even the Garden of Eden needed tending. I always pictured trees in perfect rows and nicely manicured (by God) grass. Maybe one of those cool mazes made out of hedges like you see in movies about England… But I guess Adam had to mow, pull weeds, and blaze trails himself. Whatever work it was, it wasn’t just sitting around picking and apple here and there when he got hungry.

Then God created all the animals and “brought them to Adam to see what he would call them” (2:19). How many hours of work would it take to name every kind of bird and animal in existance? Maybe he only had to come up with “dog” and not each breed of dog but that was still a lot of naming. And he was still responsible to keep that Garden straight. Can’t just let the place get overgrown while you spend a year or so coming up with names for animals. Adam was the first multi-tasker.

Even after creating Eve to help Adam with his loneliness problem (helper (2:18b) refers to the man being lonely (2:18a), not to his need for someone to do the dishes) God gave them jobs to do. In 1:28 (yes, I know chapter 1 comes before chapter 2 but God is addressing both of them so it must have happened after the stuff addressed to Adam alone) God says to them, “be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion…” While the first part of this sounds like a fun job, any parent will tell you that it involves at least 18 years of hard, stressful work to multiply. And subduing the earth and having dominion over it doesn’t sound like something I can do from the couch with the remote control…

All of these jobs were before the curse on the ground (3:17-19). My point is that while the curse made work harder, we were always meant to work. We were created to feel satisfaction from a job well done. We need to get rid of this idea that the ideal was to sit around naked in the garden and pick only as much fruit as it took to satiate our momentary hunger. We need to embrace our work and do it all as unto the Lord. We also need to understand that jobs like gardening, parenting, studying animals, and harnessing the power of this wonderful world God created are all holy callings. Yes, He calls some to preach but he also calls many more to do many different jobs. They are all holy unto the Lord. Do your work with passion. Do it to serve God, not your boss. Do your job with a thankful heart no matter how thankless your job is. You will not find fulfillment in avoiding work, but in embracing it. by “you” in the previous sentances, I mean “me.” I need to learn these things to keep myself from falling into the abyss of depression and burnout. I want to fully embrace my work but could I embrace just a litlle less of it fully? There is such a thing as balance after all, right?

The Tail of Two Dogs

Everything I need to know about Thanksgiving I learned from my dogs. Our family owns two and as any dog owner knows, each one has its own personality. In observing the differences between these two dogs, I have learned how to (try to) maintain an attitude of gratitude. Unfortunately, I am also convicted of my own ingratitude by watching them too.

Our first dog, who has been with us for eight years now, is a Jack Russell Terrier named Skippy. We bought him as a puppy from a pet store in Iowa where we lived at the time. I remember the first time I picked him up and his whole body fit in the palm of my hand. He became a metaphorical handful as he went through his puppy stage (which for a Jack Russell lasts about three years). He has calmed down quiet a bit in his old age but still dominates the lives of all who are around him. He lives in the house and has slept in a bed with a human almost ever night of his life. He always gets the final bite of whatever I am eating, gets to ride in the car, and is pretty much spoiled in every way.

Our second dog has been with us for three years. Luna is a Chocolate Lab that we saved off the streets in Mexico. She was a walking skeleton, too young to be away from her mother when we found her. She was blind in one eye and we did not think she would live through the week. We took her home and she ate until she looked like a water balloon that was about to explode. Thankfully she recovered and has grown into a beautiful, healthy dog that brings joy to our family. One problem that has remained though is that she has never been able to control her bladder. We could never afford to have that fixed so she has to live in the back yard and only gets to come in the house for cold nights. Even then she has to sleep in the laundry room.

I often feel bad when Luna sits outside the sliding glass door and watches Skippy get to snuggle up on the couch with us. This is where the difference in attitudes shows itself. Skippy is so used to living inside and getting to sit in my chair with me (when I bought my chair, I shopped until I found one wide enough for him to join me) that he becomes demanding. When he wants to lay down, he follows me a round and whines until I sit and pull out the blanket for him. If I sit and read, he gets under my book to nose it out of the way so I can pet him. And petting him with one hand isn’t enough; he will nose my other hand until I rub both his ears and belly. Luna just sits and watches us. If we even look at her she jumps to her feet and wags her tail. If we come out and pet her she is in heaven. How come the one who gets pet all the time demands more and never seems satisfied but the one who rarely gets attention, relishes the little bit she receives and is happy?

The difference really manifests when it comes to food. As I said, Skippy almost always gets the last bite of my food. He gets to “pre-clean” dishes. But when we have food he acts like he has never eaten in his life. When we hand him something, he will take our fingers off if we are not careful. But when we give food to Luna, she will actually take it gently, lay it down, and rub her head gently on our hand. She would rather have our affection than our food. Skippy wants it all and if he has to choose, I think he would take the food over us. Luna won’t even eat the gift until we have gone inside and there is no more chance for attention.

All of this convicts me because many times I am like Skippy. I have it so good but always want more. I become demanding. I whine when I don’t get my way. I need to be more like Luna. I need to be more thankful for every single blessing I have in my life. I also need to learn to be more interested in the one who gives my a gift than in the gift itself…

I Deserve It???

I have a confession to make: I think I am better than a lot of people. There it is. It sounds so ugly when it is out in the open like that. I would never actually say it and when I think about it, I know it is not true. As a matter of fact, I can’t stand people who think they are better than other people (do I think I am better than people who think they are better than other people???). Ironically, if you told me I thought I was better than someone else, I would argue with you to no end denying it. The problem is that I am guilty of having this nasty, ugly attitude deep in my heart.

Now, it does not manifest in me the same way it does in some people. In me, it manifests through my constant whining, complaining, and feeling sorry for myself. Things are hard right now in my life a from time to time I find myself sinking down into the pit of self pity. “why does life have to be so hard?” Why me, Lord?” When will things change?” etc…

A few days ago, the Lord really convicted me about this. I was reading Matthew 20:1-16. In that passage Jesus tells a story about a guy who goes out and hires some men to do some work for him. They agree on a price and the men go to work. Throughout the day, the owner hires more men. He even hired some who only worked 1 hour. At the end of the day, the owner payed everyone the same amount whether they worked 1 hour or 8. Those who worked the longest were upset because they thought they deserved more (most of us would agree). The owner says, “Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my money or are you jealous because I am generous?” As I read that I realized that, when I start whining, I am just like the guys who worked the whole day. I am telling God that I deserve better. I worked harder, I sacrificed more, I should get more… What kind of attitude is that?

Here is the rub; when I complain, I am really saying I deserve good things in my life more than those who have them. In effect, I am saying I am better than they are. I can complain about having too much work when I have at least 4 good friends who have lost their jobs in the last month. I am upset about problems with my son but a good friends of mine lost his son a year ago. I have an incredible wife but have a friend who lost his wife and 4 more friends whose husbands have left them to raise children alone in the past year. All of these people would love to have my problems. Funny how I never stop to wonder if they deserve my blessings more than I do… No, I always look at what other have and I don’t instead of being thankful for what I DO have. Lord, help me!

Here is the truth. I don’t want what I deserve. I know the terrible things I have done that I keep buried deep in my past. I know the people I have hurt. I know the ugliness that still dwells in my heart. what I deserve is absolutely nothing. Actually, what I deserve is to pay for the terrible tings I have done. I never seem to want that part of what I deserve…Thank God, Jesus took the punishment I deserved!

He didn’t just take the punishment I deserved, He blessed me with things I don’t deserve. Every blessing I have is just that, a blessing from GOD. Not payment for being good sometimes. The gifts He has given me are completely unearned. I pray I will get my attitude turned around to be thankful for what I have instead of always comparing myself to others and demanding more.

What Am I Worth?

I have a funny little thingamajiggy (technical term) on my myspace page. It is a little sign that says I am worth $2.44 million dollars. I took a quiz about my education level, health, and habits and it put a price tag on me. I am still looking for a buyer if you are interested…

I was reminded of this quiz as I was reading Matthew 13:44-46 again. I love these verses because they tell me that I (and you) are worth much more than $2.44 million. For many years I didn’t understand what the verses were saying because I thought they both said the same thing. Then one day I actually READ them and realized they did NOT say the same thing.

Most of us are famiiar with verse 44, “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy he went and sold all he had and bought that field.” This is easy enough to understand, right? Heaven is so valuable that we should give everything to be there. We should “sell out” for God! We have heard this preached all our lives.

What is interesting are the next two verses, “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” Did you catch the subtle shift? The subject changed. In the first one, we find God and give everything to gain HIM. In the second, God finds us and gives everything to be with us. This blows my mind. I (and you) am the “pearl of great price.”

Now, I understand that nothing good dwells in me and that I have nothing to offer HIM. But HE is so crazy about me (and you) that HE sold everything and gave HIS own life to be with us. I will never understand why since I know I am unworthy but I have learned over the years that the best thing to do when someone loves you is to accept it greatfully instead of asking why. I learned this after many years of driving my wife crazy trying to figure out why she loved me. I finally quit asking and said, ‘thank you.’ I know I married “up.” I know I don’t deserve her. But I have learned to be thankful she loves me. The same with God. I know I don’t deserve HIS love, but I am sure glad HE thinks I am worth more than $2.44 million. He thinks I am worth giving HIS own life.

God’s Will (II)

Sometimes it is the little verses that seem to just be thrown in that get to me. It seems that every once in a while when Paul was writing his letters that he would just take a shotgun approach and throw out all his Christian advise real quick without developing the topics. He seems to be doing this at the end of 1 Thessalonians. He gives out 14 short pieces of advice on maybe seven topics. But on only one of those pieces of advice does he give a reason, …give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (1 Thess 5:18).

As I was reading this passage, the reason jumped out at me. I am to give thanks in all circumstances because that is YOUR will for me. There it is again. YOUR will. I always want to know YOUR will but I don’t seem to understand what the phrase means. I seem to always think that knowing YOUR will means knowing where I am supposed to work, who am I supposed to talk to, how much I should give, what I will be doing in five years, etc… But every time I find the phrase “will of God” in the Bible, I find an instruction on how to live. Could it be that I have the wrong understanding on something?

So, it is YOUR will that I be thankful in ALL circumstances. Not just the good ones. I was real thankful the other day when I received two checks in the mail. I was not so thankful when I got bills the next day… So I was out of YOUR will. I am thankful on days that my knees don’t hurt too badly, but not so much when they do hurt. YOU want me to be thankful in the good and the bad.

The reason YOU want me to be thankful is that YOU are concerned with the condition of my heart. If I am not thankful now, nothing is ever going to be good enough. If I can’t be thankful in the hard times, I become a person who cannot ever be thankful. If I can’t be thankful for being able to walk because my knees hurt, I won’t be thankful if they are healed. I always think I will be thankful when I get everything the way I want it to be. But if I am a complainer now, I will be a complainer when things get better. There will always be something else to be upset about. It is the pressure of the hard times that show what is in my heart. If ingratitude is in my heart, it won’t just go away in good times. If anything it will go into hiding for a little while. But eventually good enough won’t be good enough and it will come back. Lord, deliver me for this cycle.

Not only that, but if I am not thankful, I am outside of YOUR will. I can preach, counsel, give, do all kinds of God stuff but I am still outside of YOUR will. The only way to know more of YOUR will for me is to fulfill what YOU have already revealed. Thankfulness is a clearly revealed part of YOUR will. Once I learn to obey what YOU have told me, You will tell me more. Lord, help me. This is impossible without YOUR spirit in my heart.

With All YOUR Strength

Why do I sometimes burn out and tire of doing good? Why do I sometimes get so offended and hurt if I am not recognized or thanked? Could it be that I don’t really understand why and how I should serve YOU? Am I trying to work off my guilt and sin by doing God stuff? That is a certain recipe for burnout since I seem to keep blowing it faster than I can accomplish good deeds, Am I trying earn something from YOU? Again, a losing cause since I can’t even work off my sin, I will never be able to get into positive ground on the big scoreboard. Am I just trying to impress others? That is a little easier but still exhausting and un-fulfilling. Or am I just trying to fulfill my own ambition by doing something great? That is a never ending cycle since there seems to be no end to my selfish ambition.

My service must come first from none of the motivations above but from a heart of gratitude for what YOU have already done for me. YOU already love me. YOU already died for me. YOU did it all before I ever thought of doing anything for YOU. I live my life now in response to YOUR love. Every time I lose sight of this, I fall into one of those other motivations and start burning out and getting frustrated.

My service must also come through YOU. Paul says, “For this I toil, struggling with all YOUR energy that YOU work powerfully in me” (Colosians 1:29). I can’t accomplish anything in my own strength. Yes, I must put my shoulder to the wheel but ultimately, I can do nothing to change the world or any one person in it. I must struggle with all YOUR energy. That means I work in faith knowing that YOUR power will energize my pitiful little efforts.

Lord, please deliver me from selfish motivations today. Help me walk today in an attitude of gratitude where every act is praise to YOU whether recognized by anyone or not. And help me rely completely of YOUR strength.