Just Talk to Me Already!

So the other day my 17 year old son texted me asking for $20. As expected, I replied, “K.”  A few hours later, he came home and kind of stood around me shuffling his feet. Then he went and took the trash and recycling out followed by feeding the dogs and giving them water. In other words, he actually did all his chores without being asked. He then came over and stood around looking at me some more. I knew he wanted the money and I was willing to give it to him but I wasn’t going to give it to him until he actually asked for it since that seems to be the only time he ever talks to me. He finally asked and I gave him the money. At which point he left the house and I didn’t see him again for a couple days.

As soon as he left, I had an epiphany. I realized how much the interaction I just had with my son parallels my interactions with my Heavenly Father. You see, I am just like a teenager. When I want something, I start trying to be good and doing my chores and I expect to get blessed. I want things from Him and He is more than willing to give them to me. But He waits and makes me ask for them. I used to wonder why we should have to ask if He knows what we want, what He is going to do, and wants to give us what is best for us. Maybe it is just because it is the only way He can get us to talk to Him. Even if all we do is ask for stuff, at least we are communicating with Him.

I know this is a strange way of looking at prayer. But I am beginning to understand that Jesus did not die on the cross just to get me out of hell. He didn’t suffer in my place so He could impose rules on me and take away my fun. He did what He did to have a relationship with me. He was literally dying to talk to me… and to you.

What is hard to believe is that He values me that highly. I struggle to understand why He wants me to spend time with Him. I don’t even want to spend time with myself most of the time. I can feel it now. I know how desperately I want my teenage children to spend a few minutes with me. That desire is just an infintesimal portion of the intense longing God has to spend time with me… and with you.

Cursed Work!?

Have you ever gone through on of those periods in your life where it seems like all you do is work? I have been going through that for a while now. I am averaging 70+ hours a week between my two (and three and four) jobs.The thing that concerns me is that it is about to get worse.  I am transitioning out of professional ministry and will need to hustle ever harder just to pay the bills. I guess this paragraph serves as my lame excuse for not blogging as much as I used to…

Needless to say, I am exhausted right now. When I get worn out like this, I usually start thinking really evil thoughts about at Adam and Eve. After all, if they hadn’t sinned, there would be no curse and I wouldn’t have to work. Before sin, Adam and Eve just hung out in the garden and did nothing, right? That is what I used to think but I am beginning to realize how wrong I am about this.

Recently I read Genesis again and saw some interesting things. I saw that Adam had work to do even before the curse. In 2:15 the Bible tells us that God “took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to tend and guard and keep it.” Apparently even the Garden of Eden needed tending. I always pictured trees in perfect rows and nicely manicured (by God) grass. Maybe one of those cool mazes made out of hedges like you see in movies about England… But I guess Adam had to mow, pull weeds, and blaze trails himself. Whatever work it was, it wasn’t just sitting around picking and apple here and there when he got hungry.

Then God created all the animals and “brought them to Adam to see what he would call them” (2:19). How many hours of work would it take to name every kind of bird and animal in existance? Maybe he only had to come up with “dog” and not each breed of dog but that was still a lot of naming. And he was still responsible to keep that Garden straight. Can’t just let the place get overgrown while you spend a year or so coming up with names for animals. Adam was the first multi-tasker.

Even after creating Eve to help Adam with his loneliness problem (helper (2:18b) refers to the man being lonely (2:18a), not to his need for someone to do the dishes) God gave them jobs to do. In 1:28 (yes, I know chapter 1 comes before chapter 2 but God is addressing both of them so it must have happened after the stuff addressed to Adam alone) God says to them, “be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion…” While the first part of this sounds like a fun job, any parent will tell you that it involves at least 18 years of hard, stressful work to multiply. And subduing the earth and having dominion over it doesn’t sound like something I can do from the couch with the remote control…

All of these jobs were before the curse on the ground (3:17-19). My point is that while the curse made work harder, we were always meant to work. We were created to feel satisfaction from a job well done. We need to get rid of this idea that the ideal was to sit around naked in the garden and pick only as much fruit as it took to satiate our momentary hunger. We need to embrace our work and do it all as unto the Lord. We also need to understand that jobs like gardening, parenting, studying animals, and harnessing the power of this wonderful world God created are all holy callings. Yes, He calls some to preach but he also calls many more to do many different jobs. They are all holy unto the Lord. Do your work with passion. Do it to serve God, not your boss. Do your job with a thankful heart no matter how thankless your job is. You will not find fulfillment in avoiding work, but in embracing it. by “you” in the previous sentances, I mean “me.” I need to learn these things to keep myself from falling into the abyss of depression and burnout. I want to fully embrace my work but could I embrace just a litlle less of it fully? There is such a thing as balance after all, right?

When UNgodliness is next to godliness…

You know the old saying, “cleanliness is next to godliness”? The scary thing about that saying is that most Americans believe it is actually scripture. In reality, it is just one of those psuedo-scriptural sayings that moms have used for years to try to get young boys to take a bath. It has never worked. The only thing that gets young boys, and most men for that matter, to stay clean is young girls… But none of this has anything to do with what I want to talk about today.

What I do want to talk about is something that IS next to godliness: that is UNgodliness. “Wait a minute,” you might say, “we are supposed to be like God! How can UNgodliness be next to godliness?” Stay with me for a minute and let me explain what I mean.

I am getting this idea from the beginning of God’s interaction with man in Genesis chapters 2 & 3. In 2:16-17 the Bible says, “But the LORD God gave him this warning: “You may freely eat any fruit in the garden except fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat of its fruit, you will surely die.” Then in 3:5, the serpent puts his twist on things by saying, “God knows that your eyes will be opened when you eat of it. You will become just like God, knowing everything, both good and evil.” These verses have always bothered me because I have always thought that being like God was a good thing. Aren’t we supposed to be developing His character in our lives? I also thought that knowing the difference between good and evil was a good thing. This bothered me enough that I have pretty much ignored it for years. I am really good at ignoring things I don’t want to spend the mental energy on, like doing the dishes.

Recently though, I started reading through Genesis again and asking what is does this mean? Why is it bad to be like God? Why is it bad to know good and evil? I started spend some of my precious mental energy reserves on these questions. To understand I needed to answer two questions: what does it mean to know good and evil? and what does it mean to be like God?

I have always understood knowing good and evil to mean having the knowledge that stealing cookies was bad and leaving the toilet seat down was good. But that can’t be what it means here. After all God had already given Adam the list: eating from this tree, BAD, everything else, GOOD. I may not be able to remember what I am supposed to get at the grocery store, but even I can remember that. So knowing good and evil has to mean more than just being able to read or remember a list of dos and don’ts.

Next, I had to realize that we are created to be like God just not, like, God. I hope that clears it all up for you. What I mean is that we are supposed to be like Him in our emotions, passions, and character but not like Him as in trying to do His job. We are not created to be our own god and to decide what is good and evil. Do you see it now? Being like God is bad when it means that we decide for ourselves what is good and evil. Our job is to trust God, not do His job for Him.

So this is how I understand the passage; We die when we decide we know better than God what is good and evil. We live when we trust that what He has told us is true and live accordingly. Seems kind of simple, doesn’t it? But I have the gift of making the simple complex (for example, the preceding explanation of this simple topic). I have to argue with God about what is good and what is evil. I also have to argue with obsess over the couple of things He says are bad instead of focusing on the entire world of good things He has given me. Adam was free to do everything in the world except one thing, so he did that! I am just like that. God has set me free to live and enjoy the world but I seem to always be arguing about the one of two things He warns will kill me. “But God, You don’t understand. That is so old fashioned. Things are different today…” It is simple, BE God, BAD, be like God, GOOD.

Original Thoughts?

Wow! Has it really been almost a month and a half since I last blogged? I apologize to the three or four people who really look forward to reading what I write. I guess I haven’t written lately because I have been working so much that I haven’t had time to have an original thought. Most of my thoughts aren’t original anyway but, as NBC used to say about their re-runs, “It’s new to you.”

Speaking of original thoughts, I want to write a little bit about something going around that proves the lack thereof. It seems an age old lie is making the rounds again stronger than ever. People are buying into it thinking that it is an original thought but it is as old as sin (literally). It is the lie that says “if it feels good, do it.” It also goes around in wiser sounding wrapping like, “I can only do what I feel is right” or “I have to be me…” All of it is an excuse for doing what we feel like doing and praying there are no consequences. It is driving me crazy to watch another generation buy into these lies. But it seems they are not just buying into it, the are enthralled by it. They act as if this is the deepest, newest wisdom ever.

The problem is that it is not new or original. It goes back to the book of Genesis. Sin is defined as doing what we think is right instead of what God says is right. I am particularly frustrated to see the ’60s version of this lie re-circulating. What they do not realize is that the philosophers of the ’60s who taught this stuff either overdosed or became responsible, people who do not just follow their feelings or “who they are.” They realized that who they are needed to change because it doesn’t work to go through life completely self absorbed. The hippies became the yuppies and now their kids are saying, “you don’t understand…” We understand. We ALREADY tried and rejected it. We know it does not work.

At the core that is exactly what this philosophy is, selfishness. The world is all about what I feel like, or who I am… Here is a good way to measure your philosophy, does it work for everyone? If your philosophy only works for you, it can’t be true. Here is what I mean: what if EVERYONE did what they felt like or what they thought was right? Suddenly they would be trampling your right to do what you feel like. Then who decides who is right? If it feels good to me to steal your money, who are you to tell me not to steal it. If it seems like hitting you is the right thing to do, who are you to tell me not to hit you? If “who I am” is a selfish jerk who treats you like garbage, who are you to tell me not to do so? What if I want to take the rent money and gamble it away? What if I want to abandon my wife and children? Society would fall apart and the world would be even worse than it is today. This philosophy cannot work for everyone at the same time and therefore is illogical, false, and must be rejected.

Another really funny thing about this kind of thinking is that it only “works” when you are surrounded by people who reject the philosophy who will support you. Who FEELS like going to work everyday to support their family? Those who FEEL like doing nothing, resist that feeling and go to work to support those who do what they feel like… Those who just follow their feelings are extremely grateful for the police, who do their duty instead of what they FEEL like, when someone else feels like ripping them off! The world would fall apart if everyone just accepted who they were instead of working to improve themselves.

Ok, I am not just ranting out of frustration. Anyone can criticize. You must have a better idea if you want to criticize. I do have a better idea and it isn’t original either, just not as popular. As a matter of fact, it is as old as the other philosophy… Submit yourself and your feelings to God and let HIM tell you what is right. He knows how we were made and what fulfills us. We must trust HIM. Usually the right thing to do is the opposite of what we feel like doing. Jesus also gave us a pretty good philosophy that works for everyone at the same time. He said DO to others what you would have them do to you. Imagine if we all did that. All the problems on this planet would be solved. I guess that makes it a true philosophy.

The Tail of Two Dogs

Everything I need to know about Thanksgiving I learned from my dogs. Our family owns two and as any dog owner knows, each one has its own personality. In observing the differences between these two dogs, I have learned how to (try to) maintain an attitude of gratitude. Unfortunately, I am also convicted of my own ingratitude by watching them too.

Our first dog, who has been with us for eight years now, is a Jack Russell Terrier named Skippy. We bought him as a puppy from a pet store in Iowa where we lived at the time. I remember the first time I picked him up and his whole body fit in the palm of my hand. He became a metaphorical handful as he went through his puppy stage (which for a Jack Russell lasts about three years). He has calmed down quiet a bit in his old age but still dominates the lives of all who are around him. He lives in the house and has slept in a bed with a human almost ever night of his life. He always gets the final bite of whatever I am eating, gets to ride in the car, and is pretty much spoiled in every way.

Our second dog has been with us for three years. Luna is a Chocolate Lab that we saved off the streets in Mexico. She was a walking skeleton, too young to be away from her mother when we found her. She was blind in one eye and we did not think she would live through the week. We took her home and she ate until she looked like a water balloon that was about to explode. Thankfully she recovered and has grown into a beautiful, healthy dog that brings joy to our family. One problem that has remained though is that she has never been able to control her bladder. We could never afford to have that fixed so she has to live in the back yard and only gets to come in the house for cold nights. Even then she has to sleep in the laundry room.

I often feel bad when Luna sits outside the sliding glass door and watches Skippy get to snuggle up on the couch with us. This is where the difference in attitudes shows itself. Skippy is so used to living inside and getting to sit in my chair with me (when I bought my chair, I shopped until I found one wide enough for him to join me) that he becomes demanding. When he wants to lay down, he follows me a round and whines until I sit and pull out the blanket for him. If I sit and read, he gets under my book to nose it out of the way so I can pet him. And petting him with one hand isn’t enough; he will nose my other hand until I rub both his ears and belly. Luna just sits and watches us. If we even look at her she jumps to her feet and wags her tail. If we come out and pet her she is in heaven. How come the one who gets pet all the time demands more and never seems satisfied but the one who rarely gets attention, relishes the little bit she receives and is happy?

The difference really manifests when it comes to food. As I said, Skippy almost always gets the last bite of my food. He gets to “pre-clean” dishes. But when we have food he acts like he has never eaten in his life. When we hand him something, he will take our fingers off if we are not careful. But when we give food to Luna, she will actually take it gently, lay it down, and rub her head gently on our hand. She would rather have our affection than our food. Skippy wants it all and if he has to choose, I think he would take the food over us. Luna won’t even eat the gift until we have gone inside and there is no more chance for attention.

All of this convicts me because many times I am like Skippy. I have it so good but always want more. I become demanding. I whine when I don’t get my way. I need to be more like Luna. I need to be more thankful for every single blessing I have in my life. I also need to learn to be more interested in the one who gives my a gift than in the gift itself…

I Deserve It???

I have a confession to make: I think I am better than a lot of people. There it is. It sounds so ugly when it is out in the open like that. I would never actually say it and when I think about it, I know it is not true. As a matter of fact, I can’t stand people who think they are better than other people (do I think I am better than people who think they are better than other people???). Ironically, if you told me I thought I was better than someone else, I would argue with you to no end denying it. The problem is that I am guilty of having this nasty, ugly attitude deep in my heart.

Now, it does not manifest in me the same way it does in some people. In me, it manifests through my constant whining, complaining, and feeling sorry for myself. Things are hard right now in my life a from time to time I find myself sinking down into the pit of self pity. “why does life have to be so hard?” Why me, Lord?” When will things change?” etc…

A few days ago, the Lord really convicted me about this. I was reading Matthew 20:1-16. In that passage Jesus tells a story about a guy who goes out and hires some men to do some work for him. They agree on a price and the men go to work. Throughout the day, the owner hires more men. He even hired some who only worked 1 hour. At the end of the day, the owner payed everyone the same amount whether they worked 1 hour or 8. Those who worked the longest were upset because they thought they deserved more (most of us would agree). The owner says, “Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my money or are you jealous because I am generous?” As I read that I realized that, when I start whining, I am just like the guys who worked the whole day. I am telling God that I deserve better. I worked harder, I sacrificed more, I should get more… What kind of attitude is that?

Here is the rub; when I complain, I am really saying I deserve good things in my life more than those who have them. In effect, I am saying I am better than they are. I can complain about having too much work when I have at least 4 good friends who have lost their jobs in the last month. I am upset about problems with my son but a good friends of mine lost his son a year ago. I have an incredible wife but have a friend who lost his wife and 4 more friends whose husbands have left them to raise children alone in the past year. All of these people would love to have my problems. Funny how I never stop to wonder if they deserve my blessings more than I do… No, I always look at what other have and I don’t instead of being thankful for what I DO have. Lord, help me!

Here is the truth. I don’t want what I deserve. I know the terrible things I have done that I keep buried deep in my past. I know the people I have hurt. I know the ugliness that still dwells in my heart. what I deserve is absolutely nothing. Actually, what I deserve is to pay for the terrible tings I have done. I never seem to want that part of what I deserve…Thank God, Jesus took the punishment I deserved!

He didn’t just take the punishment I deserved, He blessed me with things I don’t deserve. Every blessing I have is just that, a blessing from GOD. Not payment for being good sometimes. The gifts He has given me are completely unearned. I pray I will get my attitude turned around to be thankful for what I have instead of always comparing myself to others and demanding more.

Angry at the Wrong People

A couple nights ago I was working at the hotel and I met a lady from Florida. She was out in the courtyard smoking a cigarette and had had a little too much to drink. She began asking me about Savannah and we were having a nice conversation until I mentioned that I was a pastor when I wasn’t securing hotels in the middle of the night. She began apologizing and put out her cigarette. Our conversation came to a screeching halt. The more I thought about it, the more it grieved my spirit that mentioning being a Jesus follower made her so uncomfortable. Why is it like this? Why are so many people who do not follow Jesus so uncomfortable with those of us who do (and we around them)?

I think the answer is found in Matthew 23. In this chapter we see the only time that Jesus got angry and “judgmental” with people. And who are the people He yelled at? The religious leaders of His day! The only people Jesus got upset with were people who claimed to follow God but didn’t show love for other people. Specifically, they did not show love for “sinners.” Jesus loved “sinners” and yelled at religious hypocrites. The church (myself included) seems to coddle hypocrites and yell at “sinners.” Why do we act the opposite of our Lord? Do we think we know better than He does? We need to turn this thing around. Love the “sinners” and those outside our fellowship and confront the judgmental amongst ourselves.

Prostitutes and sinners were comfortable hanging out with Jesus. They loved being around Him. Why do they hate being around us? Why am I so uncomfortable around people who smoke, drink, and curse? Could it simply be that I don’t want to be like Jesus badly enough to be uncomfortable? Are we so insecure in our beliefs that we fear being around “sinners” will ruin us?

I am again struck by how far we, who call ourselves followers of Jesus, have strayed from following Jesus. I know that is a very generalized, blanket statement but before you close this window, realize I am including myself in this group and admitting that many times I do the same thing. I am not pointing a finger at all of you from my perch of self righteousness. I am asking what is wrong with me and many of “us”?

I am challenging myself to spend more time with those who are not already following Jesus. I am not there yet. I admit I am uncomfortable. I think it is a good sign though that I am now more uncomfortable when someone feels uncomfortable around me. At least I am recognizing the problem. That’s the first step to recovery, right?

Politics, Politics, Politics…

I am writing this blog today to hold myself accountable to any of you who happen to stumble across it. You see, I am pretty passionate about my politics. I was a very adamant McCain supporter. I know that is not a very popular thing to say right now but it is true. Unfortunately, every time I say I did not support Barack Obama, I feel I have to qualify it by saying that it had nothing to do with race or with hating gay people. I will include a footnote at the end of this blog explaining why I supported McCain if you are interested. I don’t want to add it here since that would bore a lot of readers and we would never get to the point of this blog.

Speaking of the point, here it is, I want everyone to hold me accountable to actually obeying the Bible when it comes to my politics. I know that is radical but it is harder than it seems. You see the Bible tells me to submit myself to the governing authorities and to pray for (not against) them (Rom 13:1-3; 1 Tim 2:2). I pledge that I will pray for MY president. I may disagree with some of his policies but I will pray for him and respect him and the office he now holds. I will not act like so many have toward president Bush or as so many Christians (myself included) did toward president Clinton. We can disagree on issues without disrespecting and speaking negative about the man. If any of you catch me speaking ill of MY president, please call me on it. This is my duty before God.

I was humbled a few years back when I was an Arabic translator in the Army. I was working with Kurdish refugees from northern Iraq. Saddam was still in power and had driven them from their homes. I was in a Bible study with some Kurdish Christians. They talked about the horrible atrocities Saddam had done to their people (much worse than we ever heard in the news). Then they talked about praying for Saddam because the Bible told them to pray for those in authority over them. With tears in their eyes they prayed for a man who had ordered the murder of their family members. They prayed that God would bless him and change him… I was convicted because I had not even once prayed for president Clinton up to that point in time.

How can I disregard the teaching of the Bible because I disagree with a man about tax policy? If I think abortion is murder, shouldn’t I support women going through unwanted pregnancies? If I believe homosexual behavior is a sin, shouldn’t I befriend and love those in that lifestyle to show them the love of Jesus? When did Christianity become about gaining political power and shouting venomous slander at those with whom we disagree? Is this how Jesus approached his authorities? My goal is to be like Jesus who paid His taxes after clearly explaining why He disagreed with the policy (Mt. 17:24-27).

WHY I VOTED FOR JOHN MCCAIN

1. The Man- McCain has always been my favorite senator. He stands for what he thinks is right even if it irritates his own party and costs him votes. I have only seen three senators who do this; McCain, Liberman, and Biden. I want a leader who leads with conviction.

2. Financial Policy- Democratic financial policy makes no sense to me. If corporations are evil, where are the jobs supposed to come from? If rich people are evil, who will invest in businesses and create jobs? Government does not create jobs, corporations do. If you tax the owner of my hotel, he will cut jobs. I would much rather have the opportunity to earn a living than get a $1,000 government hand out taken from my boss.

3. Iraq- We can’t just abandon those people. I am sick of arguing about whether we should have gone to war, the fact is we did. I beleive “you break it, you bought it.” No matter why we went in, we broke it. We must fix it. We cannot abandon millions of people and leave them unprotected.

Living death

As I read through Acts chapters 20 & 21 I am struck by the determination of Paul. Over a period of a couple months or more Paul is trying to get to Jerusalem. Every step of the way he is warned that he will be put in chains and suffer when he gets there. But Paul responds repeatedly that he is not only willing to suffer but to die for the Lord.

What strikes me is that Paul is not making one grand gesture. It is one thing to stand up in the moment and sacrifice your life. It is another to get up day after day and move toward certain pain, suffering, and death. I think It is much easier to die for Jesus than it is to live for Him. If we are really ready to die for Him, why is it so hard to get up day after day and endure the hardships of life?

I admit that many times I get worn down and don’t want to go on. Things get hard and I start whining and complaining. I start pouting and asking why God doesn’t love me enough to make the world exactly the way I want it to be. I pray that someday I can develope the attitude of Paul who could get up day after day and say, “not only will I face the hardship of today, I will do tomorrow and the next day. If nothing ever changes, I will go on serving Jesus until the day I die.” Another way to say it would be that I will give up my life every single day until I give up my life: Or as Jesus said, “Take up your cross daily and follow Me…”

What Am I Worth?

I have a funny little thingamajiggy (technical term) on my myspace page. It is a little sign that says I am worth $2.44 million dollars. I took a quiz about my education level, health, and habits and it put a price tag on me. I am still looking for a buyer if you are interested…

I was reminded of this quiz as I was reading Matthew 13:44-46 again. I love these verses because they tell me that I (and you) are worth much more than $2.44 million. For many years I didn’t understand what the verses were saying because I thought they both said the same thing. Then one day I actually READ them and realized they did NOT say the same thing.

Most of us are famiiar with verse 44, “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy he went and sold all he had and bought that field.” This is easy enough to understand, right? Heaven is so valuable that we should give everything to be there. We should “sell out” for God! We have heard this preached all our lives.

What is interesting are the next two verses, “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” Did you catch the subtle shift? The subject changed. In the first one, we find God and give everything to gain HIM. In the second, God finds us and gives everything to be with us. This blows my mind. I (and you) am the “pearl of great price.”

Now, I understand that nothing good dwells in me and that I have nothing to offer HIM. But HE is so crazy about me (and you) that HE sold everything and gave HIS own life to be with us. I will never understand why since I know I am unworthy but I have learned over the years that the best thing to do when someone loves you is to accept it greatfully instead of asking why. I learned this after many years of driving my wife crazy trying to figure out why she loved me. I finally quit asking and said, ‘thank you.’ I know I married “up.” I know I don’t deserve her. But I have learned to be thankful she loves me. The same with God. I know I don’t deserve HIS love, but I am sure glad HE thinks I am worth more than $2.44 million. He thinks I am worth giving HIS own life.